He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
