She announced her abortion via fbk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
