i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
