3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
