what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
