Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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