the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
