she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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