2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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