I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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