who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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