proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
