Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
