So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
