I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
whose parrot is this?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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