puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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