did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
