so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize