Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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