He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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