where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think im going to throw up on grandma
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
