I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
