Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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