so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
