She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
