I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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