if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
