now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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