we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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