Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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