are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
