i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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