1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
