thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
