i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
