thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
