Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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