I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
