Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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