My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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