question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
