Just fell off a train. Bad.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize