I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
