I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
