He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
