She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
