I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
