We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
