I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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