good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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