Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you would pick up someone in the library
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
