I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
