It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
