dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize