god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
