Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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