Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize