Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
