Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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