I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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