Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How does one acquire holy water?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
