I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
