Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
