omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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