She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
