You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
