I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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