shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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