shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize