you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize