i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
