It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
