do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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