He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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