Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
