I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
