He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
