my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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