I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize