remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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