Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
