South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if only i could text you this smell
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
