just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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