No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
