It's like God shit irony all over that family
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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