ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
