Your face is a jimmy john
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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