Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
