I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
