He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
