I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
