So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
