No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
