My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
