Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
