I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This baby is an asshole
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
