just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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