i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
