Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
