So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize