I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
