He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
