you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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