We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
