They should really pass out barf bags in church
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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