Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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